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My hedgehog Moe is dead.

I just buried him in the backyard.

I don’t have a birth date for him, as I was effectively his third owner, and I don’t have a date of death for him either. I believe it was earlier this week, but I don’t know exactly when.

They don’t tell you when you’re looking at getting a nocturnal animal that it will be all that much harder to tell when your pet has died. Because being curled up in a corner asleep during the day is totally normal for a nocturnal animal, and for a hedgehog being curled up in the same spot to sleep for days in a row is normal too. So then you have to figure it out in the most horrible way.

I feel terrible.

I miss Moe already.

Engage?

Nope….

I didn’t want to blog about this until I was sure we had both gotten through telling all the family and such. But yup, Stephen and I are getting hitched sometime this summer.

I don’t even know where to begin. Sometimes I think we all rely too much on our perceptions and storylines and scripts, and that’s what holds us back. I’ve gotten to know Stephen since last January, and I considered him one of my friends… he was always affable and interesting and easy to talk to. Anytime I’d invite people to something, I’d make sure to add him, because it was great just to have him around. And you’d think that at some point there would be a voice in my head that would say to me “Kelly. Duh. There is a cute, available man right in front of you that is awesome and interesting. Do something.” But instead of that voice, every time I even started to think about that possibility, I got the voice that said “There’s no way he’d be into you, and it’d be awkward, and you’re friends, and that won’t work, so stop thinking about that.” So I did. Because that’s the script I could rely on.

And sometimes I think that’s what needed to happen, because I needed time to get my life in order. But it still makes me feel a little silly.

In the beginning of February I started holding movie nights because I won free movie rentals. As always, Stephen was on the invite list, and he pretty much showed up to all of them. And at some point, after one of those movie nights, I had a dream. And it was NOT a raunchy dream, so get your mind out of the gutter. But it was a dream where I was holding his hand and I had this totally amazing feeling. It was a little unreal.

I’m not going to lie. I totally freaked out about it the next morning.

But I couldn’t shake the feeling. So I started to look at him to see if that narrative/script/perception could really fit instead of the one he currently occupied. And I noticed he was looking at me as well. And late one night, after the movie was over, and everyone else had left, we tried out the new narrative… and it was exactly like that dream.

And ever since that it’s been just amazing. Our relationship has grown into something I don’t ever want to lose. When two people are willing to try something fully, it really doesn’t take long to figure out if it works…. And it does! And now I get have Stephen around forever! I get to hang out with him and enjoy his presence until there’s no more hanging out left to be done. He constantly amazes me with how awesome he is… I just know that we’re going to have the kind of marriage that creates joy.

You would think that a six week break from blogging would prove that nothing really happens that requires blogging, and this is all a waste of our time, and that we shouldn’t bother with rambling on about ourselves because it’s lame and boring.

But instead the last six weeks has been probably the most eventful I’ve had in a long time. You could argue that maybe it is because I was out living my life instead of blogging, but I’m not sure if I buy that theory. But maybe I will concede that God took the opportunity to change some things up, maybe because I wasn’t focusing on myself so much. That’s possible, definitely.

So what happened, exactly? Well, SU made it into the NCAA tourney, for one. Played a six overtime stunner against UCONN in the BE tourney and made it to the sweet sixteen in the NCAA. I got to cheer for them a lot more than I have in past years, and surprisingly, also for Binghamton, my alma mater, who lost, albeit gracefully, to Duke in the first round of the NCAA tourney. It was a great basketball season, and while that’s not really crucial to my life, it was a lot of fun.

Also, I got to see my dad and sister and their respective families… I flew to florida mid-March and hung out for a few days with some parts of my family that I rarely get to see. We went to the beach, and ate lots of good food, and generally spent time together the way families ought to. It was a fantastic trip, and even a bit revitalizing.

And finally, and most importantly, a friend has become my boyfriend, and it’s been an absolute blessing to my life, and those that know me know I don’t use the term blessing lightly. He is so sweet to me all the time and I can’t fathom how I deserve it. Our relationship is really unique and comfortable and great… I wish I could write down all the ways it makes me happy, but I think I’ll ponder on that for awhile more and save it for another post. He deserves a post all his own.

So that’s six weeks. More happened than just that, I promise, but maybe I saved people a whole bunch of time reading by taking a lenten break and forgetting to write about the rest. I think the break definitely served a purpose, but I also think the blogging thing has merit so long as I have the right attitude about it, so I will be resuming my blogging starting immediately. See ya soon!

I’m giving up facebook status updates for Lent.

I’m giving up blogging for Lent.

I’m giving up arguing on the internet commenting on various websites for Lent.

This is for three reasons:
1) I feel the philosophy of Lent is a good one. It’s a time to sacrifice something that’s self-important, or selfish, or bad for us as a sign that we are willing to sacrifice anything for God. Starving myself, aka, fasting would certainly work as well, but I decided to go with something a little less literal. And it won’t result in a possibly dangerous weight loss (though if I thought God really wanted me to, I totally would. He hasn’t seemed to ask for that yet.)

2) Related to reason one, God is more important than my silly and ridiculous constant commentary on life. So I thought I’d take a break from adding my opinion to everything, as an act of deference to the maker of all things, since His opinion is really the only one that matters. I forget that sometimes a lot.

3) Selfishly speaking, I would like to write more. But I often find that what thoughts I have are used for status messages, blogs, and comments instead of more creative and worthwhile efforts. I don’t know if this will work or not, but this is the least important of the three reasons anyway.

See you in 40+ days!

So I bought a guitar a few weeks ago. Just a basic electric guitar, though it’s got a couple of supposedly upgraded components as well. Nothing fancy though. I feel like I did my part by buying off craigslist during the recession. It’s like, you know, shopping local or something.

Anyway, I’ve been practicing every day. Nothing fancy there either yet - scales, chords, and the riff for a song I like. I had to cut my nails to be able to play, which is a weird extra step in the guitar playing process I hadn’t really thought about. It’s not a huge deal, since I only end up with long nails because I’m too lazy to cut them. So the guitar will change that aspect of my life, I suppose. I don’t practice too much every day… just 15 or 20 minutes, trying to slowly build up callouses and get my hands used to stretching. After the semester’s over, I hope to spend some more time on it.

I think the strangest thing about buying a guitar was other people’s reactions to it. People kept saying, “Oh, why?” or, “Really? Have you wanted to play for awhile?” I didn’t expect that… I expected a “That sounds like fun!” not a deep philosophical questioning about why I’d want to play guitar. I didn’t have an answer for the people that asked that at the time.

So here’s my answer: I’ve been listening to rock’n'roll since I was born, basically. My dad and I used to listen to the Beatles, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, ELO, Genesis, and Yes. The only Barbie related item I played with and truly enjoyed was my Barbie and the Rockers tape, which I would sing along with and rock out to. I’m not saying I didn’t have pop/dance phase (age 8-12), but I was smart enough back then that I thought NKOTB sucked and I sold my NKOTB doll on the bus to a girl for $5. I still loved the Beatles. I asked my parents for a drum set when I was 9. I discovered who the Smashing Pumpkins, Jane’s Addiction, and Soundgarden were in 1993, and I quickly delved into all manners of alternative rock very quickly. My friends gave me mix tapes with punk, industrial, techno, metal, folk… I devoured it all. I never stopped. Music is something I connect with so deeply that I don’t even try to describe it. If a good song is on the radio, I have a hard time turning the car off before it’s done. My friend and I made an EP in 2004. I tried to teach myself to play the violin, and I regret not getting lessons so I could really get it figured out. I only stopped going to shows because of the amount of cash I was spending on it. Now I have to get up too early, and I’m too much older than the scene kids. But I never stopped loving music. A good song surrounds me, and I am immersed.

I was in my car the other day, listening to a mix tape I made off of the radio in the mid-90s. There’s a clip of me taped on there winning a free CD and video game, and being entered for a chance to win a Fender Strat. I was glued to the radio every day until they did the drawing. I wanted it so badly. I didn’t win.

My sister always had more musical talent than I did. I knew it then, and it’s still true now. When I was 16, and she was 11, she wanted a guitar for Christmas. I scraped up every cent I could from my savings account and the part time job I worked for a little while, and bought her an acoustic guitar. I never played it, as she and I have some “stuff ownership” issues between us. It wasn’t mine to play; it was a gift. She taught herself guitar, keys, bass and drums. She’s amazing. I knew I would never be that good. I had all of the desire, and none of the talent.

Mrs. J tried to give me a pep talk a few weeks ago, and it didn’t work the way she intended. Instead of applying it to the part of my life she was referring to, I started to think about where else I had sold myself short. What were my desires unrealized, because I wasn’t confident enough to try?

Guitar. The only answer to that question.

So I bought one.

The 16 year old me couldn’t handle doing something unless I thought I would get good at it.

The 28 year old me is happy to try to play along with some of her favorite songs, even if she’s not great at it. She’s looking forward to maybe writing some songs again.

I got an email this morning telling me I’d won a year of free movie rentals at I luv video. I’ve always really liked them, but I’ve gone there a decreasing amount over the years, partially because I don’t live close by anymore, and partially because I’ve cut back on renting movies in general.

But about a month ago I was talking with this guy about trying to start up a doctor who watching club at the spiderhouse, and so I was on the spiderhouse webpage looking around. There was a thing on the main page about a contest to win a free year of rentals, by signing up for the i luv video mailing list. And believe it or not, I like mailing lists, and I have a special email account for them, and I check it every day just to see what’s going on in the consumer-like world. Sales, coupons, contests, events, etc.  I think it’s useful. Most people don’t, but it doesn’t take much to sort the wheat from the chaff, or however that saying goes. So I signed up. I thought it would be a good way to remind me to rent from there a bit more.

And I won! Woohoo! I’m going to start up having movie nights at my place. I luv video is so generous it’s not even one of those “one coupon a week” deals. I literally just get to rent as much as I want so long as it’s not more than four at a time. Like I’d ever rent that many at a time anyway Woo!!! Can you believe it?

I feel as though I should comment on the inauguration. But I don’t really have much to say. I’m glad my guy won in November and gets to be president. He gets four years to try things out. Maybe they’ll work. Maybe they won’t. But we get to find out.

Today was not really a good day other than that. Work was stressful, but I can’t really talk about it.  My head really hurt all day too. Tuesdays are always my worst day of the week (I should really blog about that sometime…) but today was just a little bit worse than usual. I can’t wait for it to be Wednesday.

Teeth really gross people out. I know this now because I’ve been to the dentist twice in the last five days, and no one wants to hear about it. They shudder, they squirm, they wince and they make all manners of horrible facial expressions in order to indicate that they are entirely uncomfortable with the subjects of teeth or dentists.

So I’m going to blog about my teeth. Suckers.

I’ve blogged before, way back in Oct 2005 about how my teeth were all messed up from when I was a kid and so I went to a dentist in Mexico to get whitening and a veneer done. To recap, (get it.. re-cap? I crack myself up) I knocked out half of my front tooth when I was 8, by walking into a metal bar in my grandparent’s pitch black basement. To fix this, I had composite bonding done multiple times, with varying degrees of success. The one done ~2001 or so came out very, very badly, so when I had the opportunity, I got it replaced with a veneer. I was happy with the outcome of the veneer, and very happy with the low cost in Mexico ($250).

Oh happiness. How elusive are thee. The veneer fell off sometime between 11pm and 1:30am last Wednesday night/Thursday morning. I woke up from a dream and it was gone. I hoped as I was waking that the missing tooth bit was still part of the dream… but alas. It was really gone.

Gone, thankfully not in a I-swallowed-it sense, but rather, in a it’s-in-pieces-in-my-bed sense. So I gathered up the pieces and called a dentist, panicked, around 7:30am on Thursday. They got me in, pasted the biggest piece back on, and added some bond to make it look ok.

The bad news? I had cavities on both sides of the veneer (the dentist said this is common, but I’m not sure why) and a veneer really wasn’t possible for that front tooth anymore. So I needed a crown.

Today I went in and got the cavities filled and got impressions taken for the permanent crown. They put a temporary crown on in the meantime, and sometime in mid-february I’ll get to swap out the temp for the perm. Until then, I can’t use my front teeth much at all, which means lots of foods that I normally enjoy (I’m talking chicken wings here people!) are off the table (literally) or must only be partaken under alternative eating methods (gasp… silverware!). I know it’s all for my own good, but man, I just know I’m going just end up skinnier by the time this is all over with. Calorie-rich foods require lots of chewing. And I can’t even complain about losing weight in real life, because people just get mad at me. Well I don’t want to look like a bag of antlers, you know. But now I will, because my chicken wing diet is ruined.

If you’re wondering what the cost is of this classy GO USA SHOP AMERICAN dental service…. drumroll please…. $1970. Yeah. And some people questioned why I got it done the first time in Mexico…

I am now a board member of my neighborhood association.

Clearly, world domination is merely a few steps away.

I’ve had two weeks off from work, so I have given myself the 3rd grade assignment of reporting how my time off went. I would have to say that it was a very successful break. This, however, will be a poorly written blog post.

I kicked off my vacation by going to the drafthouse for Master Pancake Christmas with the Magnadoodles. Funny, but not as funny as a typical Master Pancake show, so I think I’ll stick to those from now on.

The next night was the Merge xmas party. I wore a funny hat, and saw lots of people.

The day after that, I started a week long trip to NY. I managed to get to Syracuse only an hour delayed, which, considering the weather, was fairly successful. We went straight to my step-sisters to start, and while I was in town, I also saw the rest of my sisters, all my nephews and niece, both sets of grandparents, my mom and stepdad, and probably 50% of my aunts/uncles/cousins. For the most part, I am glad to report that my family is doing well.

The weather, on the other hand, was horrible. It snowed, it rained, it was cold, and I was miserable dealing with it. Any thought of me ever moving to upstate NY was extinguished in that trip. I might still move to the city someday, but upstate is out of the question.

Christmas itself was a little shaky, but I got some pretty cool gifts. Mom got me some replacement yoga pants and a hair straightener I’ve wanted for awhile. My sister got me some shirts and a crank radio/light for blackouts etc. I also got some money/gift cards, which I used when I got home to buy a few pairs of new shoes and the Love Actually DVD. I think the gifts I got for people were well received also. I’m especially proud of the dress up costume kit I made for my niece.

Coming home went well… I actually got back to Austin on time and all that. I really couldn’t tell you much of what I did last weekend… I spent some time outside on Saturday, I think, but mostly I think I got myself unpacked and reorganized, and did some shopping. I made myself a big list of things I wanted to get done during my week home as well, and decided if I did five things a day I’d be done by the end of break. I mostly got that list done as well.

Monday I helped out a friend with his house, but I felt kinda tired. I kept yawning… and sneezing… well, it turns out I was getting sick. I basically had a cold all week. I didn’t let it slow me down much, though. I still went hiking a few times, and went out to a great new year’s party, and went to Ikea with some friends on New Year’s day. Friday night I even went out to Emo’s to watch free bands, which is something I haven’t done in awhile. If I have any resolution for 2009, it’s to go to more shows. I took a break for monetary reasons for too long, and if paying off my debt has any reward, that would be a nice one.

Anyway, yesterday may have been my most relaxing day. I slept in, chatted with Ben, found out the name of the new doctor for Doctor Who, and then drove down the botanical gardens. I took some books and a blanket and read. And then napped a bit. Then read some more. It was fantastic. I went home and worked on some laundry, and then got a cherry limeade and mozzarella sticks at sonic. I went to a coffeeshop and did some writing, and then bummed around at home. Even played a bit of age of empires. Called my mom too. I really can’t imagine a lower stress day, you know?

Overall it’s the best break I’ve had in awhile. I relaxed, but I also got stuff done. I saw a lot of friends, and a lot of family, but also got a lot of quiet time as well. I don’t think I’m *quite* ready to go back to work, but I won’t complain about it either.

And that’s how I spent my winter vacation.